Life, as told by Jesse

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 01:54:16 GMT

Well hello there LiveJournalers.

It seems as though I've been neglecting you for a long while.

I'm ever so sorry, I just have nothing to say...

BUT I DO NOW :D

Just recently, well on Monday, November the 24th, 2008, I joined a club. I killed my flower. I PUNCTURED MY HYMEN. I had sex.

About 5 or 6 months ago my boyfriend and I attemped to have sex, but when the time came, he got all nervous, said he was afraid to hurt me, maybe we should wait he said, and he froze up.

He's been telling me for a while now, "I don't think we're ready just yet, soon baby, I promise." And finally, he delivered.
And oh my goodness did he deliver well.

We may have been each other's first lay but god dammit he's got talent.

Sure it hurt like hell, but it's kinda like getting a tattoo. The pain just goes away after a while. Except with a tattoo, it just feels annoying. With sex it's like "SERIOUSLY, I WAITED SOOOOOOOO LONG FOR THIS....WHY NOT SOONER???"

When it was over, I was shaking. Legit, shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked.

OF COURSE I WAS OKAY

I was far more than okay. I had just had sex, with the man I love, and it was better than amazing. FAR MORE than just okay.

The second and third time...well, all I can say is things get better with time ;)

OUT

Fuck it.

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 22:16:54 GMT

I'm keeping it emo.
Livejournal is now reserved strictly for all my emo bitch fits.
Because the only people that read it are the one's that actually care to listen.

And so begins bitch fit number one.

My mother is acting like a skank. It's really fucking annoying.
Last night I went to see a movie with my sister and came home around one in the morning. She wasn't home.
No note.
No missed calls.
Nothing.
She used to pay me that courtesy.
And she still expects me to do it.

Fuck that.

I send her a text message to ask her where she is, even though I already know.
TADA! She's at Bill's. What a fucking surprise.

Based on her responses, I gathered she'd be home later. Oh how wrong I was.

When I woke up for work this morning, still not here. The porch light was still on, and the door unlocked.

When I came home from work, SHE'S STILL GONE.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK???

Since when did I become more responsible than my mother?

Not one phone call, or anything.
She could be dead, and I wouldn't find out until next week.

You know what, I'm going to stop calling her.
Stop telling her where I'm going, show her how it feels.

Just when I need her the most.
More than I ever have.

Weekend rendevous with dirty man-whores.
My dad deserves better than this.

(EDIT: She just came home, and acted like nothing happened. And he's here too. Awesome. I love my life.)

BLEH

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:26:24 GMT

I vow to you right now.
No more posts full of emo.
I don't want to rant to the internet.
Unless something beyond shitty happens and i need to let it off my chest, this is a strictly un-emo zone.

So aside from emoness, I haven't much change to report.
My first day off in a long time, and i accomplished absolutely nothing.
I'm really lazy.

BLEHHHHHH

I'm either emo, or I'm boring. I have no way to entertain my three fabulous (
and incredibly sexy) readers.
I'm sorry that I'm so disappointing my lovelies.

I can't wait to see you all on thanksgiving.
I miss you guys so much.
I'm actually so depressed.
I'm always busy, but I'm always alone.
(Excuse me, me emo was showing)

Before I get all bleeding-heart-poet on you all, I'll finish this up.
(I said the e word 4 times...shit son.)

Whoops!

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:27:39 GMT

I've been so caught up with things that I forgot to report on my first week of university!

I started university last Monday, and oh my god is it awesome.
I'm having loads of fun.
I haven't made many friends yet, but it will all come in time.
I've never really been a social butterfly, why would I start now?

And I think like 75-80 percent of the school is Asian kids.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I come from a town with maybe 3 Asians total.
It's a little shocking.

I thought I'd have more to say about it, since it's such a huge thing, but I really don't.
So I'll cut this one short.

Until next time.

So I kinda had a shity day.

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:14:45 GMT

Well, not really.
I just feel shitty.

Tomorrow I have to wake up and start the rest of my life.
Nothing will feel the same after today. In more than one respect. But we'll get into that later.

I have to start University tomorrow. My first Post Secondary class.
Yup. Still shitting my pants.
Tomorrow, I have to grow a spine and face my responsibilities.

I hate growing up.

It sucks major balls.
Big sweaty hairy ones that their owner won't even want to look at.
When you're a kid everything is happy and cute, and then you grow up and watch it all die as you realize that the world is not happy and cute.
Big. Hairy. Smelly. TESTICLES.

Speaking of balls, I found out that my mom is seeing someone. And not someone I particularly like.
I want her to be happy and everything, but she could have waited a little longer.

Not even two years ago, and she's already moving on.
Too me, that's a little soon.
Seeing as she changed like two weeks after he passed.

She started hanging out with other guys her age.
And going out drinking and not coming home until the next afternoon.
And liking motorcycles.
And sneaking up to her room when people called her.
And buying Cosmo.
And hanging up the phone when I walked in the room.

and then BAM! I'm going out with ...let's call him Bill.

WHAT THE F***!

So now I'm a freaking emo.
And I'm blogging about it.
Wow.

I just realized how stupid that is.

Bummer.

OH, and I burnt my finger at work.
Cherry on top.

Writer's Block: Pleasure Your Mate Month

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 04:42:39 GMT

September is Pleasure Your Mate Month. Tell us: how do you like to pleasure your mate?

View 500 Answers

I bought him a microphone autographed by Cedric and Omar of The Mars Volta. They are his absolute favourite band.
He'll die when it finally comes in the mail!

I'm a douche bag.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:41:55 GMT

I was supposed to go to school today, just to pick up my books and find all my classes and apply for a parking pass (My classes don't start until next week).

On the drive there I started thinking, half of my books are still on back-order, a parking pass is going to cost more money than I have right now, and I know where my classes are, why am I going to school?
So I decided to head home.

A smart person would have just picked a driveway and done a nice three point turn.
But alas, I am far from smart.
I hung a left at the closest light because the crazy map in my head told me that I could just take "the long way" home.
The crazy map was wrong.
Oh so horribly wrong.

I ended up driving around winding, bumpy, dirt roads for about an hour and a half.

I only took left turns.
That's what the crazy map told me to do.
I should have stopped listening to the crazy map after the third left turn.

And like the estrogen filled girl that I am, I started crying.
Crying and driving aimlessly is a bad combination.

I was <-> this close to calling a friend to mapquest me when I finally saw a road that I recognized.
And I took it right home.

From now on, no detours. Ever.
I don't care if there's construction up ahead.
I'm plowing right through it.

What...the...heck...

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:18:25 GMT

I think, maybe, I grew up. What the heck?

When did that happen. No one told me it was going to happen.

Okay, every one told me it was going to happen.
From the time I was a wee young lass, I knew this would happen one day, and I never grabbed life by the horns and lived my childhood like I should have; to it's fullest.

I'm starting university next week. And a few of my best friends have moved a few hours away so that they can grow up too. Well more then a few. More than half.

I had a couple break-downs. Bursted randomly into tears looking at old pictures and cute bumperstickers on Facebook. We all wrote letters to each other and made sappy presents so we'd always remember each other. It's as if we were all on our respective death beds, and it was time to say good-bye, forever. It's only good-bye until Thanksgiving when they all come home.

Never has one month seemed so long. And they only left two days ago.

But just 7 more days until I start my very own university experience. And I'm shitting my pants.
The disgusting smell of adulthood and responsibility, lingering over my shoulder everywhere I go. It's like a cloud.
A horrible, smelly, green cloud that follows me around.

I want it to go away.
I want another chance to do all the things I never did before it's to late, before I REALLY grow up.

This blows. And yet I remain excited.

What...the...heck...